The Painful Past of Remus J Lupin
by be-loved-and-loved-in-return
Summary: This is the story of exactly how Remus Lupin became a werewolf and how he learns to deal with his "furry little problem"
1. Confrontation at Flourish and Blotts

_**AN: **This is the story of Remus Lupin and how he first became a werewolf, and learning to live with his condition and such. This is my first story so I hope you like it, please read and review, and advice is welcome._

_Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own any of the characters in this story, they are all owned by J.K. Rowling, my hero.

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Chapter One: Confrontation in Flourish and Blotts

Remus Lupin was always a very happy and content child. He lived with his parents in a small house near the outskirts of a country town with both his parents. His father had a successful job in the ministry of magic, working in Magical Law Enforcement, and his mother was writing a book for quick and simple household potions. Friends and neighbours were always saying how smart Remus was, how charming he was, how he was going to do so well at Hogwarts.

Naturally, Remus knew all about Hogwarts. Both his father, John, and mother, Matilda, had raised him expecting that letter. They no one in the Lupin household could wait for the day that an owl came tapping on the cottage window, bearing a letter with the Hogwarts crest of lion, griffin, badger and snake untied around the 'H'. Informing them of which books and supplies were needed, and that a ticket was enclosed for Platform 9 ¾, for a train that would depart on September the first. Remus could barely wait for the two long years to pass so he could attend Hogwarts himself and explore the castle and grounds that he had heard so much about. From the he was born, stories and descriptions of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had floated like enticing songs over the edge of his crib and into his dreams. Now, just after Remus's ninth birthday, it seemed like the last two years could not pass quick enough.

One not so very special day, the Lupin family travelled into London and took a trip to Diagon Alley. The little family spent the day shopping for various potion ingredients for Matilda, and purchasing some more robes and quills for John, and Remus was even promised a new book if he behaved.

After a day of competing with the hustling and bustling of the crowds, Lupin slipped into a half full Flourish and Blotts, and started browsing the shelves. John and Matilda followed their son through the door, looking around with interest. All of a sudden, the door leading to the back of the shop was flung open, causing all the shoppers to jump, some of them even dropping their various parcels or books they were examining.

"I don't ruddy care! Who do you think you are, storming into my store and threatening me! Get out! Out, you–you- mongrel!" the manager pointed a short stubby finger at the door, and a dirty looking man slinked past him into the shop.

"I need a favour, you can help me," the dirty looking man said in a harsh voice. "It would have been so simply just to help me… oh well, I'm sure you know the consequences…" he leered at the manager and picked his teeth with a dirty yellow fingernail. This statement made the manager turn a pale shade of green, which quickly progressed to white. His whole body trembled; he appeared to have trouble keeping his stretched arm steady, which was still pointing at the door.

"Threaten my family, my children!" he said in a gruff voice, trying hard to remain firm and not panic. "I already told you, I don't know, and I wouldn't tell you if I did! You are _scum_! Filthy piece of shit! You are lower then a spec of dirt! Leave my shop this instant!"

Quick as a flash, the dirty looking man lashed out at the man, scratching at his face and neck. He scrambled to find his wand in the long tangle of robes he was wearing. The manager was completely focused on defending himself, seeming to forget he was even capable of magic or owned a wand, and was pushed backwards into a book display, sending loose pages flying. The manager backed himself into the wall, and finally tried to procure his own wand from his robes. The dirty looking man, having untangled himself, quickly disarmed him.

"It would have been so much easier if you had helped," he jeered, a nasty smirk spreading across his face. "What a loss for your poor muggle wife and children. I guess I must go and console them? Such a tasty snack…" he raised his wand but before he could mutter a single incantation, he was forced backwards into the counter with a loud bang and a flash of light, dust and timidly fluttering pages were sent flying into the air, engulfing the shoppers who had been watching this exchange intently (and openly) in a cloud of print and debris. When everything had settled, the occupants turned to see John Lupin standing with his wand raised and a slightly shocked look on his face.

Quickly taking in the situation, Remus hurried to his father while Matilda went to the aid of the manager. Slowly, the dirty man extracted himself from the rubble. He looked around the store wildly, causing some of the shoppers to shrink back into the shadows, hoping not to be noticed by this man who was clearly mad. His eyes darted this way and that, until they rested on John, wand still raised and Remus at his side.

"You!" he snarled, crossing the floor in half a dozen quick, long strides. "Well, well, if it isn't my old friend, John Lupin. Haven't seen you since my trial, Lupin, we really much make more of an effort to keep in touch. Ah, and this must be little Remus Lupin," he sneered. Remus looked into those dark eyes, at that horribly lined face and grey hair, those sharp teeth. He inhaled the stench of the man's breath and could feel the cruel and menacing gaze burrowing into him, looking for hidden fears. Truth be told, Remus had never been more scared in his life, but he refused to back down or look away and returned the gaze, hoping he looked equally threatening but knew his eyes lacked the cruelty of the mans.

"I'm afraid you have made a grave mistake crossing me today, Lupin," the man said, in his deep rough voice. "You see, I was just asking my friend here," he gestured to the manager without turning "If he knew the whereabouts of certain, ah, people that I needed to pay a visit to," he glared down at Remus again. The boy felt his blood run cold but still did not back down. If he had snatched a glance of his father at that moment, as the man had done, then he might have noticed that every bit of colour had drained from his face. "Get the drift?"

And with that, the man turned on his heel and stormed out of the shop. Remus hadn't watched the man leave. He didn't want to look at him ever again. He was still staring at the spot where he had stood moments before, staring at the back wall of the store. Slowly, he tore his gaze form the wreckage the man had caused attacking the manager, and looked up at his father. John was looking straight at Matilda, who looked absolutely petrified, but who was penetrating Remus with a horrified stare. Remus ripped his eyes from the sight of his horrified mother and returned to gazing at his father.

"Dad? What's wrong? What did that man mean? Can we go home?"

Still looking at Matilda, who still had her eyes fixed on Remus, he clasped a hand on his sons shoulder and squeezed firmly.

"Sure, Remus. Let's go home."


	2. A Walk in the Woods

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters or plots that have been taken from Harry Potter, or any of the characters in this story. They still all belong to J.K. Rowling_

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Chapter Two: A Walk in the Woods

It was a dark, dark night with no stars beaming their friendly and encouraging light down on the little landscape. The moon was full and round. Remus gazed at it intently before it was engulfed with light white clouds. Setting off at a brisk pace, he began to walk towards the wood.

As he walked, fog began to form, light and first, then getting thicker as the trees grew denser. Sinister shadows leered out of the darkness, the trees tugged at Remus's clothes, teasing him. A couple of times he nearly fell, getting his shoe caught in roots from the trees that seemed older then time. He found himself looking over his shoulder, his pace growing steadily quicker, and found that he was getting caught and tangled more and more. Soon, he was running, his own ragged breath cut through the silence like a knife, his heart was pounding fit to burst.

Then, out of no where, a figure loomed and pounced, fortunately missing Remus as he ran steadily forward. _Keep running, don't look back. Keep running, don't look back._ These thoughts pounding in his skull, as he frantically tried to find a way out of the forest. A cruel howl sliced through the night, causing Remus to stop suddenly. The howl was full of hate, of cruelty, of loss. Without even realising it, he cried out, pleading for help when there was no one around to hear him. A scratching came from the nearest bushes.

Slowly, he turned. Remus stared at the bushes, unable to move or run, consumed by fear. He had no wand, no way to control his "baby magic". No way to defend himself. Scanning the forest floor wildly, he found a large rock, and picked it up, noting how heavy it was. Another scratching sound came from behind another bush, Remus revolved quickly on the spot, brining the rock up to shoulder height, ready to attack.

A giant creature loomed out of the bushes, soaring through the air, it could not possible be human. It seemed almost suspended in the air, for what seemed to Remus as long terrifying minutes but what was, in reality, really only seconds. Fear paralysed him, he couldn't move, couldn't think. What was he going to _do?_ He quickly snapped out of his trance like state, and heaved the rock at the creatures ahead. He turned and ran, thinking hopefully that he heard the rock painfully collide with its target.

Again he was running, running for his life his brain pounding with his heart. _Run. Run. Run_. It was almost like together they were beating out a rhythm, instructions for him to follow. _RUN. RUN. __**RUN!**_

A pesky branch, belonging to those one of those century old trees almost reached up and grabbed his ankle, pulling him down until his face collided painfully with the litter on the surrounding forest floor. He looked up with dread only to see that horrible, ferocious creature looming over him. He heard it growl and tried to back away, but the way his foot had caught prevented him from doing so. The creature stood directly over him now, and a horrible ripping pain exploded inside him.

Remus took a frantic look around; he wanted to remember this, nature in all its beauty before he died. He had fallen in a clearing and could see the pitch black night. A cloud moved, and there was the moon, full and round, hanging there as a beautiful crystal orb, completely perfect.

A pulsing sound came from deep inside him. Remus felt more frightened at that moment then at any other time in his life. An unbearable pain consumed him almost completely, he couldn't stand it, he knew he was going to black out.

Before he did, Remus heard a howl escape him.


	3. The Horrible Realisation

_**Disclaimer: **Everything in this story (characters, plot, ect.) belong to J.K. Rowling, possibly the best author of our time_

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Chapter Three: The Horrible Realisation

Sunlight streamed through the window, flooding the room in which Remus Lupin slept. He didn't open his eyes straight away; he didn't feel like facing the happy, cheery sun. He felt awful, his whole body was stiff and sore, and he ached from head to foot. As he stirred slightly he was sure he could feel several cuts long his arms and legs. The slight smell of blood and dirt lingered strangely around the room, but mostly it was overwhelmed by his mother's remedies. Slowly, thinking that he couldn't put it off any longer, he opened his eyes.

Sitting beside his bed, sat his mother, Matilda, weeping uncontrollably.

"Mum?" he croaked. Matilda raised her head in shock. She looked like she had not slept in days, her eyes were red rimmed and she had tear stains down her face. Seeing her son awake only seemed to make more tears stream from her kind hearted eyes.

"John!" she called, unable to break her gaze from Remus. "John! He's awake!"

Remus's father hurried into the room, followed closely by someone that Remus recognized as a healer from St. Mungo's.

"How are you feeling, Remus?" John asked, but the healer stepped in front of him and cut him off.

"I'm sorry, Remus, but I'm afraid I have some rather bad news…"

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Only one thought remained with the young Remus Lupin over the next two years – _I can not attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I can not attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. _He was so young, only nine years old, but already it seemed like his life was over. He would shut himself in his room, refusing to speak to anyone, and remain there, alone, with only his books for company.

That thing, that horrible unfortunate creature that had attacked Remus that night had been a werewolf. Fully transformed, the healer had explained, werewolves can't really control themselves. So when he had been walking in the forest, it was only natural for the werewolf to hunt him down and attack.

For the longest time, Remus pitied the werewolf who had bitten him. He now knew the pain that had to be endured once a month, every time there was a full moon. And the guilt, always the horrible guilt that followed. He felt guilty for inflecting his illness on his parents, who had to move further away from the town and transport him to a secure old shack once a month for a couple of days, retrieving him when he had regained his human form. He felt guilty seeing small dead animals, not knowing if he had hurt them or not during one of his ghastly transformations. But out of everything, Remus was utterly miserable, because now he knew he would never attend Hogwarts. Slowly the years drifted by, until the day Remus turned eleven, and trooped unhappily down the stairs.

And there, sitting at the kitchen table, as bold as brass, was the one and only Albus Dumbledore. Remus has heard of Dumbledore of course. He was already famous for his many contributions to the wizarding world at large, and was currently the head of Hogwarts. But why he was sitting at the kitchen table with John and Matilda, holding a steaming mug of tea, Remus could not imagine.

Noticing that Remus had entered the room, Dumbledore rose to greet him, and took in his appearance – his light brown fuzzy hair, his hopeful stare, and his straight posture – in one sweeping gaze. It took Remus much longer then that. He felt that he had to soak in all the details of the this man – his tall and skinny frame, his half moon spectacles, his sparkling blue eyes, his long white hair and streaming beard, his rustling periwinkle robes. Here was one of the most well known wizards of all time and he was… standing in Remus's kitchen?

"Good morning, Remus," Albus Dumbledore said, extending a hand for the boy to shake. "And Happy eleventh Birthday! No doubt you were expecting a letter from Hogwarts, but I will not be surprised if you say you weren't expecting me!" Dumbledore's eyes gleamed mischievously as he pulled out a seat and gestured for Remus to sit down. "And I am guessing that you are wondering why I am here?"

"I'm sorry…uh…sir, but I wasn't expecting you, or a letter from Hogwarts," Remus stuttered, accepting a steaming mug of tea from his mother. "I didn't think I could go to Hogwarts."

"Why ever not, Remus?" Dumbledore asked, gazing at him intently over his glasses. Remus has the feeling that those clear sparkling eyes were x-raying him.

"Well…um…I'm a…._werewolf_," Remus admitted, only mumbling the last word and letting his hands fall from his mug and weakly onto the table, dropping his gaze. He felt so ashamed of what he was, why couldn't the headmaster see that? Why did he have to come here and talk to him? To tell him what he was missing out on? Remus felt a slight warmth and weight on his hand, and raised his head slightly. The headmaster had rested his hand gently on his own, and was now comforting him.

"Remus Lupin," he began "I know exactly what you are. You are a young wizard, who is celebrating his eleventh birthday. Being a werewolf does not worry me in the slightest. In fact, I have come to offer you a place at my school, if you wish to attend."

_Wish to attend? Go to Hogwarts? Would he, Remus John Lupin, a werewolf, actually get to fulfil his dream and attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?_ The thoughts running haphazardly through his mind were almost too good to be true!

Dumbledore explained the whole thing very carefully. Hogwarts was situated close to the wizarding village of Hogsmeade, which was very convenient for them. If Remus wanted to still go to Hogwarts, then they would plant a tree called a Whomping Willow, which thrashed about wildly if anyone got too near. There would be a small knot near the base of the trunk that could be pressed to stop all the branches moving. The matron would smuggle him down there once a month, at the full moon, where he would press the knot and be slipped under the cover of darkness into a long tunnel that led straight out of Hogwarts grounds. The tunnel would lead to a small, magically reinforced shack that would be built on the hill near Hogsmeade. Remus could go there and transform, and stay there, completely safe from other people he could attack.

"This is one of my better plans," Dumbledore explained, "If I do say so myself."

After all the tiny details had been worked out, Albus Dumbledore rose to leave. They had been talking for so long, it was almost nightfall. Pulling a thick letter out from the depths of his robes, he handed it to Remus.

"A list of your school books, and such," the headmaster explained, shaking hands with him and striding towards the door. "And I expect to see you September first, at out start of term feast, no exceptions. Hogwarts is honoured to accept you, Remus."

His robes rustled slightly as he pulled the door open and was about to retreat into the night, before he turned back to Remus and gave him a small smile.

"Oh, and Remus," he said cheerily, "Happy Birthday."

And with that, he strode briskly and confidently forward into the darkness, the door closing sharply behind him. Remus rushed to the window to watch him go, but by the time he got there, he was already gone.


	4. What he Overheard

**Diclaimer: **No, I still don't own the rights to Harry Potter, but when I DO, you will be the first to know

**AN: **_OK, I know that not many people have read this (or at least, you have but haven't reviewed. Could you review if you read it, please? I would be very greatful and I might even reveiw one of your stories) but I am still going to apologise for taking so long between chapters... so - sorry!! But good things can't be rushed and, hopefully, this is classed as a Good Thing. Please r/r. Thanks!! _

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Chapter 4: What he Overheard...

No matter how much he pinched himself, Remus still couldn't believe it. He was going to Hogwarts. He visited Diagon Alley again, this time to purchase the books, cauldron and a wand he would need for his education. He had to admit, he was slightly nervous about going back to Flourish and Blotts, seeing that he hadn't been their since the awful confrontation his father had had with the dirty man. But soon, all of his books and supplies has been collected together and packed neatly away in his school trunk, and Remus was lying in bed late at night, unable to think about anything except the train he would board the next morning, on September the first. Just as he thought he would finally be able to drift off to sleep, he heard raised voices coming from the kitchen. Wondering if everything was alright, Remus slid off his bed and crept down the hall, carefully concealing him self in the shadows.

What he saw was an upsetting sight. His mother, usually so calm and composed, was standing straight back and tall, tea towel in hand, half way through drying the dinner dishes. Matilda's eyes were fierce, and all their force was directed straight at John. John was glaring at his wife, arms crossed and angry. Remus was deciding wether or not to walk in on this scene or not (he usually broke up his parents fights just by announcing his presence) when the arguing started again.

"Matilda you must be mad, absolutely mad to want to send him to that place! Can't you even imagine what they will do to him? He will be the laughing stock, he won't have any friends, he will be lucky if parents don't start demanding him to leave!" Remus listened, still hidden in the shadows. He wondered who in the name of Merlin they could be talking about. At his mother's next words, he realised with a sickening jolt that they were talking about him.

"Oh get a grip, John! He is a boy, only a child, he deserves this!! He has wanted nothing more then to go to Hogwarts his whole life, and you want to march up those stairs, unpack his trunk, and tell Remus he can't go to Hogwarts?! Don't you realise what that would DO to him? Don't you realise how much that would crush him? I can't and won't let you do that to my son!"

"I just… I just want to do…what's best for him," John's voice flattered and he uncrossed his arms, letting them hang limply at his sides. He collapsed into a chair and let out a long sigh.

"It's my fault…" he whispered. Remus had never seen his father looking so defeated. "It. Is. All. My. Fault."

Matilda dropped the tea towel and crossed the room in a few long strides. She wrapped her arms around her husband and cried softly into his hair.

"If I hadn't provoked him… that day, in Flourish and Blotts….Greyback… he did this – THIS – to our son. Our only child… and it's all my fault…"

Remus saw his father's face collapse. He looked utterly defeated. Not knowing what else to do, he turned quietly on his heel and crept back up the stairs. Tomorrow was going to be a big day for Remus, and he was tired. But try as he might, he couldn't sleep. He had confused thoughts running, spinning, dancing around his head. Greyback – was that the name of the dirty man in Flourish and Blotts that day? And he did this to him, to Remus, to his family….on _purpose_? _No_, Remus thought to himself. _No, no one would be so cruel_. But even his pure, innocent, young heart wondered if it were true…


	5. Departures and Goodbyes

_**AN:** I AM SOOOO SORRY I HAENT UPDATED FOREVER!! promise to pay more attention from now on. :)_

_still dont own harry potter or anything to do with it, except for a copy of the books and dvds_

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Chapter Five: Departure and Goodbyes

The next morning found Remus in a bundle of nerves. His trunk was packed with all his supplies, his new black robes neatly folded on the top, the bright Hogwarts emblem shining and winking at him, like a bright and happy smile. This awkward, nervous feeling continued all day, until it was time for Remus to board the train. Then panic set in – he didn't want to go, didn't want to leave his parents. What if his dad was right? What if everyone hated him? Just as he was about to beg to be taken home again, Matilda crouched down so they were eye-to-eye and spoke:

"Remus," she said "Don't be nervous. All you can do us be yourself, you'll make friends in no time."

"_How _mum?" he asked painfully "How can I be myself when I can't tell anyone…"

"Remus," John cut in, also crouching down to his sons' eye level, "We love you. _We love you_. You are a kind, caring, smart, beautiful child. And anyone who thinks differently is clearly deranged. This… this may be _what _you are, part of what you are anyway, but not, _who_ you are." He placed a large hand over Remus' heart. "_This_ is who you are."

A long, almost mournful whistle escaped from the train as it slowly started to chug along the tracks. John lifted Remus' trunk onto the train, then carefully pried his son from Matilda's arms and placed him next to it. He slid the door shut, and Matilda and John stood on the platform waving. As all the other parents disapperated and the train turned around the corner, they continued waving, hoping their son would be alright.

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_**AN:** yes, this was just a short one, but I felt that this was a good place to end the chapter and it need something like this, in my opinion, even though others may find it slightly corny. btw, im not going to update if you dont review, so do it NOW_


	6. Aboard the Hogwarts Express

**AN: **_nope, sitll nothing, but ill let you know when its mine_

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Chapter Six: Aboard the Hogwarts Express

Remus stood by his trunk looking out the window for a long time. Eventually, he decided it was no good standing in there for the whole trip, and that he better find a compartment. He shifted the heavy trunk slowly down the train, passing carriages full of witches and wizards of various ages talking, laughing, eating, and swapping chocolate frog cards.

When he had been walking for what felt like forever for his little eleven-year-old legs, a compartment door slipped open. A voice yelled "See ya, Snivellus!" and a young red-headed girl stormed out, followed by a slight boy with black hair who seemed to trip over his robes, which he had already changed into. The girl turned to help the boy up before turning to face Remus.

"I wouldn't sit in there, if I were you," she said. "Those boys are so mean and arrogant."

"It doesn't seem like I have much of a choice," Remus replied, "Everywhere else seems to be full."

"We're going to look for another carriage," the girl continued, flicking some of her long red hair over a slim shoulder. "You can come with us, if you like."

Remus gestured behind him "I've already looked up that way," he said. "But you can try if you want."

The girl frowned in the direction that Remus had come. "Well you've reached nearly the end of the train, I don't see how you can go much further, but suit yourself. I'm Lily, by the way," the red head held out her hand, and introduced her friend, the boy who tripped, as Serverus.

"I'm Remus," Remus replied, shaking their hands enthusiastically, happy to already be making friends. "Remus Lupin."

"Well I guess we'll see you around, Remus," Lily said smiling as she and Severus walked away. Remus felt happier then he had in ages.

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After discovering that Lily had spoken the truth and that there were no more carriages or free compartments, Remus had two choices: he could either try to find Lily and the boy (whose name he had already forgotten) or go back to the nearly empty compartment that they had walked out of. Too tired to continue walking, Remus went with the second option. Trooping his way back to the compartment, he gingerly knocked on the door and slid it open.

Inside there were two boys, spread out with their feet up on the seats and talking. Both looked curiously at Remus as he entered.

"Hi," Remus said, somewhat nervously. He wiped his sweaty palms on the inside of his pockets. "Do you guys mind if I sit here? I wouldn't ask, but everywhere else is full…"

"Sure," one of the boys said, making room for Remus to sit down. "I'm James Potter."

"I'm Sirius Black," the other boy said, jumping off his seat and helping Remus swing his heavy trunk into the luggage rack. "What's your name?"

"Remus, Remus Lupin," he replied, eager to start making friends.

"Do you play Quidditch, Remus?" James asked, pulling something out of his bag.

Remus hadn't, he hadn't even flown a broom before. _What's the point?_ He thought to himself. He could never join a team, in case a game or training clashed with a full moon. He shook his head, feeling dejected. Quidditch, of course, would be a major topic amongst the first years, especially once the games started, and Remus had never even learnt the rules. He was starting to feel left out already. He looked around wildly for a topic of conversation, and took a glance at what James was holding in his hand and grinned. James was holding a small stack of chocolate frog cards. Remus had an impressive collection – chocolate helped him feel better after a full moon and since he had isolated himself since the first attack, he had spent a lot of time organising his card collection. He stood on the seat, and rummaged through his trunk until he found them.

"I do collect chocolate frog card, though," he said. Over the next couple of hours, Sirius, Remus and James swapped cards and compared collections, bonding over their shared hobby. They were soon joined by a plump boy named Peter Pettigrew, who, judging by the size of him had eaten a fair few chocolate frogs, and this theory was backed up by his huge collection.

Almost too soon, Remus left the train after changing into his Hogwarts robes and stepped into a small boat which bought him to the school. At first glance, Remus knew he was home.

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**_AN:_ **yay, Remus is making friends. next chapter - sorting. I would like to thank _I 4 2 write, childforever, _and_ Rictumsempra_ for reveiws, _childforver, katya24_ and _potters _for putting this on their favs, and _Rictumsempra, katya24_ and _potters_ for putting this sotry on alert. you guys rock!! as for the rest of you, pick up the slack!!

btw - thank you too, to _i-am-in-a-constant-daydream _for picking up my mistake of calling matilda martha in chapters 4 and 5. its been fixed.


	7. Sorting and the Future

_**AN: **This one is a little longer then the last, and has the sorting (well, some of it) like I promised. enjoy!_

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Chapter 7: Sorting and the Future

Remus trooped through the stone corridors with his new friends, Sirius, James and Peter, as well as the rest of the first years. They were lead into a giant room, where the enchanted ceiling sparkled with stars and candles floated every few feet. This room was filled with students, who were sitting at four large tables, each placed under a banner. Each banner was decorated with different colours and pictures, with a banner with the Hogwarts emblem over the teachers table, which faced the room at large. Remus snatched a quick look at the table and picked out Dumbledore in an instant. He knew he would always have an infinite amount of respect for Dumbledore, and already held him up as something of a hero. After all, Albus Dumbledore was his saviour – he had made it possible for Remus to fulfil his dream and attend Hogwarts.

The Sorting begun with a shabby old hat singing greetings and historic anecdotes to the school, although Remus barely payed attention to the song at all. He was shaking and his palms were glistening with sweat, he was nervous. Suppose the hat rejected him? He was a werewolf after all. What if the hat could tell who he was, what if it decided that werewolves didn't belong in any house and sent him home? Then what? Could Dumbledore possible over rule the hats decision?

Then Remus remembered his fathers' parting words: "_This may be what you are, but not who you are."_ And felt courage surge through him. He watched his new friend, Black, Sirius, being sorted into Gryffindor. He was soon followed by the red headed girl from the train, Evans, Lilly. In almost no time, it seemed like Remus was approaching the hat.

_Well, well, well, what have we got here? _The hats' voice echoed through his head.

_I don't care where you put me _Remus thought furiously _just doesn't send me back home. _This was a little bit of a lie, of course. If Remus had a choice, he would have chosen Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, one of his parents' houses.

_Send you home? _The hat inquired with a curious echo _why on earth would I do that?_

_I'm not like them _Remus thought _I'm not like the rest of them, please don't make me leave._

_You have already been chosen_ the hat informed him _I only sort you, I can't reject anyone._

With that, the hat proceeded to rummage through Remus' mind, searching every dusty corner and crevice, sifting through his emotions, morals, beliefs, and memories. It was the memories that Remus was dreading – would it finding out that he is a werewolf effect the hats decision?

_You are loyal _the hat remarked. _Very loyal. Already, you are very loyal to the friends you met on the train. And courageous, you fear nothing except yourself. Not the best way to be, but you only fear yourself for noble reasons. You don't want to hurt your friends or family – anyone for that matter. You want to keep them safe. Very noble indeed…_

There were a few more moments of silence before the hat opened its shabby brim and thundered its verdict to the onlooking students: _"GRYFFINDOR!"_

Remus almost threw the hat back on the stool, and walked as fast as he could to the table on the far side of the hall, where Sirius and Lilly were standing and applauding. Remus took a seat opposite Sirius, but he was still in earshot of Lilly.

"What were you doing up there? Telling the hat your life story? You were _ages_" Sirius said.

"Yeah, something like that," Remus replied with a grin that stretched from ear to ear.

Suddenly an annoying beeping sound filled the room.

"Sirius, can you hear that?" Remus asked.

"Hear what?" Sirius replied, with a quizzical look displayed across his handsome features.

"That beeping."

"Beeping? I don't know mate, maybe you're delusional. Maybe you should be sent back home…"

"NO!" Remus screamed, sitting up with a start.

* * *

Remus looked around. He was in his bed, in the dormitory he shared with Sirius, James, and Peter. He wasn't being sorted. Must be near a full moon again. Remus rolled over and checked his calendar. Yep, in two weeks. This always happened near a full moon – he would have nightmares which would start out as mere memories then develop into him nearly being sent home from Hogwarts. Even now, in his second year of school, it was something that proved to be a constant dread. A beeping noise still filled the room.

"Mind turning that off, Remus," Sirius groaned, pulling his blanket up so it covered his head. "Too early for alarms… and on a Saturday of all days!"

"Right… alarm," Remus replied somewhat groggily.

"Another nightmare Remus?" James asked, sitting up and stretching slightly, then ruffling up his already messy hair. Remus nodded. By now, his friends were use to Remus waking up with nightmares. Thankfully, they didn't know why, but they put up with it.

Peter grunted in his sleep and started snoring loudly. Sirius emerged from under his covers, picked up a stray potions book and lobbed it at his head. The book found its target easily, causing Peter to fall off the bed and onto the floor, where he continued to sleep a little more quietly.

Remus dressed quickly and grinned to himself. He was still amazed by his good fortune, to find three wonderful friends. Of course, they had their differences, as all friends do. Remus was much more studious then the others, while Sirius and James focused almost completely on Quidditch - they were both part of the Gryffindor team. Remus would have loved to play too, but had never learnt properly, even though James and Sirius had promised that if they taught him, then he would be able to make the team by next year. "Perfect build for a chaser, maybe even a keeper" they would say. He told them that he was afraid of heights, that he had a bad accident with a broom when he was younger; he had horrible coordination and absolutely no balance. This was all lies. Even Peter had a club, he was part if the Gobstones club with a few other younger students. But Remus just felt he couldn't. It would be far too noticeable if he was missing meetings every month at the time of the full moon. When it was close, he got really sick too, and broke out in cold sweats, sometimes with a fever. How could he explain his absences to so many people? Surely one of them would figure out the true reason. How many meetings, games or training sessions could he miss before he was kicked off what ever team or club he had been foolhardy enough to join?

No, Remus thought. It really wasn't worth it. With that, he took one final sweeping look at the messy dormitory and the sleeping figures of his friends before gathering his books, quills and parchment and departing to met Lilly in the library.

* * *

_OK, next few chapters will be the first glimpse of Remus' relationship with Lilly, and what Sirius, James and Peter think of their friend. Also, if there is any aspect of Remus' life that may or may not be mentioned in the books that you think I should include, let me know. Please read and review!_


	8. Secrets Uncovered?

_**Disclaimer: **I still don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters used in this story. Sorry to disappoint, but its true_

* * *

The door to the Gryffindor second year's boys dormitory shut with a small snap. Sirius and James sat bolt upright, listening carefully. Even Peter lifted his head a little off the floor, no longer asleep.

"He gone?" Sirius asked.

James shook his head and put a finger to his lips. He quickly tip-toed over to the door and pressed his ear on the cool wood, listening carefully. When Remus' footsteps disappeared completely, he spoke.

"All clear."

Sirius whipped the covers off his bead and jumped up, going straight for his trunk. Peter wriggled out from his cacoon and crawled under the bed, searching. James reached for his wand and put a charm on the door, so they would be given a few moments warning if Remus was to return. Sirius and Peter emerged from the quests, each clutching a small stack of books. James joined them in the middle of the dormitory floor with his own pile.

"What are all the symptoms again?" James asked.

"Nightmares, two weeks before. Fever and chills a few days before. Loss of appetite. Fatigue. And then he leaves," Sirius answered, counting out symptoms on his fingers. "And when he comes back, chocolate cravings."

"And why can't we just _ask _Remus what's wrong?" Peter asked for the up-tenth time.

"Peter, if its something that Remus doesn't want to talk about, then we won't pressure him," James said, leafing through one of the thick tomes next to him.

"Nha," Sirius agreed "We'll just snoop around and find out for ourselves!"

No matter what jokes Sirius made about the situation, none of the friends were happy with what they were doing. They all knew that there was something Remus wasn't telling them, and they wanted to respect his privacy. But they couldn't help worrying about him:_ what_ _if it's something really serious? _they would ask themselves; _what if we can help?_ After first noticing that Remus left for a few days every month, they did question him. And he answered all the questions, saying there was nothing wrong with him, just stuff at home and nothing to worry about.

Of course, they believed him, for a while at least. But then James started noticing that before Remus left, he would get a fever and maybe even be confined to bed. Sirius noticed his nightmares and fatigue, no matter how long he slept for. And even Peter, who after all wasn't very bright, noticed that once Remus returned to school he had an almost unquenchable chocolate craving, and would barely eat anything else.

So now, instead of constantly pestering their friend with questions and queries to which he gave no answer, they were taking matters into their own hands. They had each borrowed a stack of books from the library and when Remus got up early to study charms, transfiguration or potions; they stayed in the dormitory and studied him.

* * *

Remus walked slowly down the stairs. He wasn't feeling hungry, so skipped breakfast. Instead, he headed straight to the library were he was meeting Lilly to for their potions test. Lilly, of course, didn't need to study. She was a natural at potions, which made her Professor Slughorn's instant favourite. Remus, too, was well liked by some teachers, because of the effort he put into every piece of work. Well, at least none came running after him with torches and pitchforks.

He entered the library, to find Lilly sitting at a table with a potions book in front of her. Lilly, however was gazing out the window, her long red hair draped gracefully over her shoulder. Many boys in their year level, James included, lusted after Lilly constantly. Remus could understand this, as she was not only attractive, but smart funny and a wonderful person. He felt himself lucky to have friends at all, so wasn't too fussed that he had never had a girl friend.

He walked over to the table and dropped his books loudly on its surface, startling Lilly out of her day dream.

"How's the studying going Lilly?" he asked with a mischievous grin spread across his face. Lilly smiled back at her friend and moved some of her stuff over to make room for him,

"I'm afraid its not, I just can't concentrate on potions. I mean, look at it out there!" she made a dramatic gesture at the window, which showed the Great Lake and the sweeping mountains. It was a beautiful day, alright, much too nice to be cooped upside. Remus knew exactly what she meant; he could use some fresh air, it may make him feel better. Lilly turned her gaze from the window to Remus and frowned.

"Are you feeling OK, Remus?"

"Yeah, fine. Why do you ask?"

"You look a bit pale. A bit tired, a bit worn out. Have you eaten anything today?" Lilly knew him too well. She had also noticed his disappearances, and his strange symptoms.

"Nha, not hungry. Come on, let's go outside and study." So the friends gathered their books and left for the bright sunshine.

* * *

Peter Pettigrew sat in the dormitory, still leafing through books. He stifled a yawn and listened to his stomach grumble. None of them had even gone down for breakfast yet. He put down a book entitled _The Weird and Wonderful Diseases caused by Dragons _and was just about to start on _So, you think your cursed?_ when James spoke.

"Does anyone have a calendar?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the book he was reading.

"Yeah, Remus does," Sirius said, already vaulting over the bed to get it. Peter tried to take a peek at what the title of James' book was called, but he couldn't see the cover. Sirius returned to the floor and placed the calendar next to James.

"What were the symptoms, again?" James asked. Sirius and Peter counted them off on their fingers. "And when was the last time Remus was sick?"

"Uh… Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff, two weeks ago," Sirius said, pointing to a date on the calendar. "He was so sick he couldn't make it to the match, remember?"

"Do you think you found something, James?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, but I hope I'm wrong…" James sighed heavily, and lifted up his book, finally revealing the cover to his two anxious friends. All felt a sinking feeling in the pit of their stomach as they read the fluid green title splashed onto the purple background: _Everything you ever wanted to know about Werewolves!_

* * *

Lilly stretched under the large tree, feeling like a sleepy cat lying in the sun. She peeped over her potions books at Remus, who looked just as sleepy.

"I think we've done enough studying for one day," Lilly remarked. "Are you hungry yet, Remus?"

Remus nodded. He was too comfortable to move just yet, but Lilly pulled him to his feet.

"Where are we going?" Remus asked, confused. "Lunch won't be ready for ages yet!"

Lilly smiled cheekily, put a finger to her lips and led Remus inside the castle. They walked through corridors until they stopped in a seemingly un-special place. Lilly giggled, and reached over to a large painting on one of the walls. It was a very ordinary painting, just a picture of fruit. But as soon as Lilly touched it, it went ordinary to extraordinary, and a large door knob appeared.

"_What_ did you _do_?" Remus whispered furiously. Lilly laughed again.

"You and your friends aren't the only ones who know things about this castle," she said, and led Remus into the kitchens.

* * *

"A werewolf? A werewolf – A WEREWOLF?!" Peter was almost hysterical. "How could we know Remus for this long, share a room with him, and not figure out that he was a werewolf? I don't believe, I refuse to believe it!" and he sat down on the bed with his arms and legs crossed, as if that settled the matter entirely.

"You know, it makes the most sense out of everything, Peter," Sirius said, squinting at a picture of a fully transformed werewolf, trying to see if it bore any resemblance to Remus. "Everything fits – the symptoms, the timing, why he didn't want us to know… so what do we do now? Confront him?"

"No way!" James said, flopping onto his mattress and staring at the ceiling. "Not till we know for sure."

"And how are we going to know for sure?" Sirius asked.

"We are _not_ going to now for sure, because Remy is _not _a werewolf!" Peter hissed angrily. James and Sirius ignored him.

"Well…," James said "We could always use my cloak…" The room fell silent immediately. Peter, Sirius and Remus all knew of James' invisibility cloak, and had all seen him disappear under it from time to time. Even they had used it in various pranks and night time wanderings. None of them had used for a very long time, and the mere mention of it was able to silence the friends.

"Right," Sirius said, snapping the book shut and making Peter and James shut "Next time, we're following him."

* * *

As soon as they had entered the kitchen, house elves had come running to Lilly and Remus, serving them mugs of steaming tea and fresh sandwiches, as well as small cakes. Now, they were sitting at a small table, rejecting offers of yet more food, and sipping on some cool mugs of pumpkin juice. Lilly was carefully scrutinizing Remus over her mug, while at the same time pretending not to. Remus appeared none-the-wiser, and was swivelling his juice around its mug.

"Lilly? Why are you staring at me?" Remus asked. He peeked up at her from the soft curtain of brown hair that had fallen over his eyes and smiled. Lilly blushed a deep crimson and turned away to hide it.

"I was just thinking; you seem… troubled, Remus. What's up? You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

Remus clutched the edge of the table. Maybe now was the time to tell someone the truth. Maybe now would be the perfect time, the opportune moment, to let someone know what he really is. And why shouldn't that someone be Lilly, after all? They had been friends since they first met on the train. She would definitely keep his secrets.

"Do you really want to know?" he asked her, avoiding her gaze.

"Yes."

"If I tell you this, Lilly, then you have to promise never, ever, to tell…"

"Remus," Remus felt a warm, soft and gentle hand being placed over his own. He studied Lilly's chewed fingernails, until he could no longer avoid looking at her face. He looked up, and felt almost as if those green eyes were boring into his soul. When he looked at her, she smiled, showing almost perfect white teeth. Her smile filled him with warmth. "I promise."

Remus knew now was the time. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves. He repeated the words over and over in his head: _Lilly, I'm a werewolf. Lilly, I'm a werewolf. _He was forced to take another deep breath. He was shaking, he couldn't help it. _'Do it now, Remus,' _said a small voice in his head. _'Do it now, tell her before you lose your nerve. Now. Now. NOW!'_

"Lilly, I'm…"

_**BANG!!**_

The kitchen door crashed open and in fell Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, and Sirius Black.

* * *

_**AN: **OK, i thought id leave you with a cliff hanger (of sorts) this time. But dont expect another update straight away, because this is my fourth chapter in two days, people!! you should be proud!! i have already started the next chapter but i think it may take a little longer. let me know what you think!_


	9. A Few Good Friends

**Disclaimer: **Oh my gosh!! I OWN HARRY POTTER!! nha, just joking, the owner is still j.k.

_**AN:** whats happening with you people?! i know people are reading, but yeat i still have three reviews for eight chapters. this is not right. please please please review if you read this story, becuase then i know who to thank and i can check out some of what you have written. speaking of thanks, i this time around i would like to thank _childforver_ for pestering about my cliff hanger last time, and _jellewedhunter_ for putting me on story alert. _

_ok, this chapter is basically nothing so thrilling, but its just introducing a few characters that had been neglected previously, such a lilly's friends. enjoy! (and review!!)_

* * *

Chapter Nine: A Few Good Friends

James wriggled out from under the weight of Peter and Sirius, and saw that already half a dozen house elves were trying to deliver delicacies to them. After all their research, the young Gryffindors were hungry (having skipped breakfast, much to Sirius' disgust) and decided that they would try a secret passage way.

"I heard some seventh years talking about it," Peter had squeaked excitedly (always eager to please his friends). "All you have to do is touch the pear, in the painting of the fruit and you can get in! Apparently no one else knows about it, it's a complete secret!"

What Peter hadn't overheard, is what part of the pear you were supposed to touch, or what you were meant to do. Unlike Lilly, who knew to tickle the pear, the boys had poked and prodded it, talked to it, and yelled at it. Once they were confident the pear was not the way to get in, they tried the same method on various other pieces of fruit in the painting. Once they finished on the poor orange, whom had been poked so hard he was sure he would be bruised, James had lent back on the painting, ready to admit defeat. However, his scruffy hair had tickled the pear so much it immediately opened, allowing the friends entry but causing them to topple one on top of the other.

James looked up, and saw Remus and Lilly siting at a small table, looking utterly confused. Lilly stood and surveyed the scene in front of her, a slight frown but also a smile playing at her mouth. Remus was already approaching the mess of limbs to help his friends.

"Ow, ow, ow! OW! I said OUCH, Peter, your poking my eye! Yes, my eye! Get off!" Sirius shoved Peter off and jumped up. "Food!" he cried, grabbing a custard tart off a tray the nearest house elf was carrying.

While Sirius was gorging himself, Peter took a look at Remus, who was helping James off the floor. He still _looked_ like the same Remus, but then again, what did untransformed werewolves look like? He was nervous, just a little bit, of his friend now, and skulked over to join Sirius at the tray of food.

Remus grabbed James' hand and pulled him to his feet.

"How do you guys get in here?" Remus asked.

"Ah, not sure exactly… something to do with a pear…" James rubbed a welt that was already emerging on his forehead. "Something Peter overheard…." James was going to continue, but was immediately distracted by the (young) love of his life, Lilly.

"Ah, Lilly, sweet Lilly," he chorused. "I had no idea you were such a dare devil. Sneaking around the kitchens are we? Tisk, tisk, surely you should no better then that?" He approached a house elf with a laden tray, plucking a biscuit off it (which just so happened to be shaped like a heart). "A sweet for my sweet," he declared, offering the biscuit to Lilly. Lilly raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"No thanks, James, I think I just lost my appetite." And the young red head (who even in second year could be described as fiery) turned on heel and slipped elegantly out of the portrait hole.

James, however, was not put off and scoffed the biscuit whole.

"I'm starving," Sirius declared (which was amazing, seeing as he had already devoured three custard tarts and an éclair), "What else have you guys got?" The house elves bowed low before eagerly dashing off to find more goodies.

"I'm never, _ever_, going to miss breakfast again!!" Peter cried, flopping down on a small stool that took three elves to drag over for him.

"Why did you miss breakfast?" Remus inquired. James and Sirius glared quickly at Peter. They were going to mention nothing to Remus, pretending that they had done nothing in the morning that they wouldn't have usually done.

"Um, ah I…. that is to say…. We… I mean," Peter glanced at Sirius for help. Sirius quickly strode around to Peters' other side, so Remus could no longer see his feet, and gave him a good, sharp kick.

"Overslept," Sirius answered, grabbing two butter beers from a house elf and offering one to Remus. "You know: Saturday morning lie in and all that. Not all of us can stand being working up by an insane muggle contraption so early in the morning."

Remus smiled guiltily. He knew Sirius hated his alarm clock, but it was perfect for him (even though it was a muggle invention and quite often unreliable).

"Come on, we still have a tonne of transfiguration work to get through," Remus said, leading his groaning friends back through the secret door way, all of them grabbing as much food they could carry along the way.

* * *

Lilly Evan felt very dejected. She knew something was wrong with Remus. You couldn't be that close to someone for so long and not know it. She wondered if James, Sirius or Peter knew what was wrong.

'_Well it doesn't matter if they do,' _she thought:_ 'it's not like I can just go bring it up in casual conversation, and they wouldn't tell me anyway.'_

Lilly trooped back up to Gryffindor common room, where her two best friends, Leanne Charleston and Jessica Wraught were grappling with their transfiguration work. Leanne was desperately trying to turn her book into a tea-tray, while Jessica was attempting to write an essay on the wand movement required to transfigure a porcupine into a pincushion. Jessica stoped writing when she saw Lilly approach.

"Hey Lils," she said. "You were up early this morning."

"Yeah, I met up with Remus and we were studying for out potions test," Lilly sighed and flopped down on the couch. "And he was going to tell me something really important, but then stupid James-stupid-Potter had to come in and be his stupid self and ruin everything! He's so annoying, such and idiot and why does he have to be so…?"

"Stupid?" Leanne put in, grinning. She tried once more to transfigure her book, but instead it started snapping at her fingers and wand like and wild animal, so she yanked off her shoe and slammed it on top of the book. Lilly smiled back at her friend.

"Yeah, stupid."

Leanne was probably one of the most gorgeous girls in the year. She had flawless pale skin, ruby red lips and bright blue eyes. But her best feature, by far, was her long waterfall of wavy blonde hair. She was definitely smart, but she knew her life didn't revolve around good marks, so only tried to receive average grades in school. Leanne (or Lee to her very close friends, such as Lilly and Jessica) was a talkative, bubbly person, who was friendly to everyone, which only added to her natural charm and appeal.

Jessica on the other hand, was a bit of an opposite. She had dark hair and eyes, an olive complexion and a sweet smile. She was very smart, and probably one of the funniest girls in their year, the only problem was getting her to open up to begin with. Once you knew her well, though, she was the life of the party. She was a sports fanatic and her room was covered in Quidditch posters, and played on the Gryffindor team as seeker.

"I don't blame him, really," Jessica said, turning back to her essay. Lilly shot her a quizzical look. "Remus, I mean, not James."

"What are you on about, Jess?" Lee asked in frustration, tapping her book in an effort to get it to stop snapping.

"Well, maybe Remus was happy to have his friends burst in at the last moment, because he didn't really want to tell Lilly anyway. If it was about his mum, then its something very personal that he may feel guarded about and not want to share with anyone." Another thing about Jessica – she was very logical, and always thought things through thoroughly.

Lilly and Leanne looked at each other: they had to agree with her. Everyone knew about Remus' sick mother, and how every couple of weeks he was allowed to go home and see her. Maybe it was something he didn't want to talk about.

"Or, then again," Leanne added jokingly "Maybe he just didn't want to tell Lilly because she is such a blabber mouth."

"I am not!" Lilly protested. "I've never spilled one of your secrets!"

"Secrets? Oooo, someone's keeping secrets are they?" Jessica said, poking out her tongue and laughing.

"You better not have told anyone!" Leanne laughed. "Otherwise you'd both have me to answer to!"

"Oh yeah, right," Jess said in a sarcastic tone, rolling up her essay and rolling her eyes at the same time. "And what exactly would _you_ do about it?"

"THIS!" Leanne cried, picking up a cushion of the couch and hurling it at Jessica. With all the skill required on the Quidditch pitch, she ducked, so the cushion missed its target and hit he unsuspecting Lilly instead. Lilly grabbed it, aimed for Leanne but missed horribly. Both Jess and Leanne laughed, causing more cushions to be sent their way.

Soon, the girls were in the midst of an all out pillow fight in the empty common room (the other Gryffindors were outside enjoying the sunshine) and forgot all about any troubles they had previously been discussing, like the stupid James Potters of the world and mysterious secrets.

* * *

_**AN: **ok, thats it for now. hope you liked it. i will try to update again soon but no promises. also, like i mentioned a few chapters ago, if there is anything thats even breifly mentioned in the books (or maybe not in the books) that you would like to read about Remus handling, let me know. and also, i know this is mentioning a few other people and other pov besides remus, but it is still a mainly remus focussed story. and there may be a little james/lilly fluff but only some, and only if u guys aks for it (through REVIEWS!!) because once again, this is a remus story. thanks guys_


	10. The Transformation

_**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own any of the characters in this story, except prehaps jessica and leanne, lilly's friends, but they arent even in this chapter._

_**AN:** i am truly sorry to any who think i may be dragging this story on, but here it is: the chapter where james sirius and peter find out the remus is a werewolf. i am dedicating this chapter to freya, a friend of mine whom i was meant to visit today but was too sick, so im updating instead. also she was the one who got me into fanfiction and one of the ones who wants me to update the most. go freya!! anyway, here we go - enjoy!!_

* * *

Chapter Ten: The Transformation

Remus Lupin was standing in his dormitory, unpacking some of the contents of his trunk into a small over night duffle bag. Sirius, James and Peter where there too, pretending not to watch when in reality, they were very interested in what Remus was doing.

"Do you think your mother will be any better this time, Remy?" Sirius asked, flicking his hair casually out of his eyes.

"I'm really not sure," Remus replied, with out missing a beat. He could lie easily now, and he despised himself for it. _What type of person can lie so easily to his friends?_ He wondered miserably. _Am I truly that awful, that I can lie to my three best friends in the world, constantly, and not even bat an eye lid?_

"Well, we have something for you to give her," Peter said, jumping off his bead and rummaging through his trunk. Remus stiffened slightly for a moment, but didn't turn around and continued to place things in his small bag. He did turn around though, when Peter placed a large amount of cakes and sweets on the bed. They had been placed in a large wicker basket, which had then been covered in bright yellow ribbons.

"We didn't know what she would like," Peter said carefully "So we got all your favourites, in case you have similar tastes."

"And these," James offered a large envelope which had been packed full of parchment. It was addressed to Mrs. Lupin, in Sirius's untidy scrawl. "There just letters, saying that we're friends of yours, and that we hope she gets better soon." James explained.

Remus reached out to take the letters, shaking as he did so. He felt horrible, not only because soon he would transform soon, but because he was lying to his friends. And not just that, but they accepted the lie as truth, and they trusted him all the same. He felt that he didn't deserve three friends such as these, and was on the verge of telling them everything, when Sirius stood up.

"Better get going, mate," he said. "I'm sure she'll be happy to see you." Then each of the friends took it in turns to give Remus a one armed hug, (which they had never done before) and they said their farewells. Remus left the dormitory, his head hung in shame, leaving the best friends he had ever had in a tangled web of lies. One that he created, yet he didn't know how to get them out.

* * *

James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew had broken a lot of school rules in their so far short span at Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry, and had so far barely felt the slightest tinge of guilt. Now, however, as the quickly hid under James' invisibility cloak and followed their dear friend through the halls and corridors, it felt like they were drowning in it.

"Maybe his _is_ just visiting his mother," Peter said sorrowfully. "Maybe she _is _just really sick."

"Maybe," James said. "But if Remus is a werewolf, then I want to know. Then we can tell him that we know, and he won't have to lie to us anymore."

"Must be tearing him apart," Sirius mumbled. "Imagine keeping as big as that a secret. Don't think I could do it." James agreed quietly. Peter pointed ahead to where Remus was standing.

Remus had come to the a sort of fork in the corridor, where if he turned one way, it would take him to the headmasters office, where he would take the floo network to visit his mother, like he always said he did. If he chose this path, then James, Sirius and Peter would invisibly guide him to his destination, feeling relived that their friend was not lying, but racked with guilt that they couldn't trust him. If, however, Remus went the other way, then they would follow him through the castle until the realised what was really going on with their friend.

They watched, silently, barely daring to breath, as Remus tightened his grip on his duffle bag and overly large hamper. He looked both ways, at both forks, and then quickly glanced behind him into the apparently empty corridor. Then without further hesitation, he strode briskly onwards, taking the fork that led him away from the headmasters' office and his three concealed friends.

"You still want to do this?" Sirius whispered. James and Peter shook their heads.

"No, but we have to," James said. Peter let out a small squeak.

"Right, come on then."

* * *

Remus walked quickly to the hospital wing, where Madam Pomfrey was waiting.

"Right," she said in a brisk commanding voice. "Give me your things and I'll put them away for you." Remus handed over his duffle bag and hamper, which she raised an eyebrow at but said nothing. "Full moons tomorrow, how are you feeling?"

Remus shrugged. He felt the same as usual – sweaty, feverish, tired – he really just wanted to get it over with. Madam Pomfrey nodded, and looked at Remus with something like sympathy. The last thing he wanted right then was sympathy, so instead he looked out the window.

"How long till its dark?" he asked.

"Few more hours yet," the matron replied. "Why don't you sit over on the bed, and I'll come and fetch you when its time to go."

Remus did as he was told, and went to sit on a bed in the far corner. Madam Pomfrey bought a large screen to cover the bed, so no students would see him and then question him later. Remus laid his exhausted head on the pillow, pulling a large mass of heavy blankets over his shivering form. And he waited.

* * *

"Maybe _he_ is sick?" Sirius asked. "Not his mother."

The three young Gryffindors had spent the last few hours crouched outside the hospital wing, whispering quietly to one another, speculating as to why Remus would be in the hospital wing. They wanted to think of a reason, any reason, besides him being a werewolf.

"Maybe he's a vampire," Peter whispered, staring at the far wall. Sirius and James both turned to face their friend with disbelieving looks upon their face. Peter turned to look at them. "What? It's possible."

"Yeah," Sirius remarked "About as possible as you flying to Mars on a broomstick." Peter blushed deeply.

"Actually," James said "It does make some sense."

"Have you _both _gone off your rockers?" Sirius hissed.

"Well, have you actually thought about?" Peter squeaked, excited now that someone agreed with him.

"He could be going to hospital wing, one a month, just to get his fix of blood," James murmured. "And the nightmares and all that other stuff, that's just because he hasn't had any for a while." Both James and Peter sat trance like, deep in thought on either side of Sirius.

"Oh for the love of…" Sirius dragged his two friends up by the wrists and pulled them over to Remus' bead, not even bothering to keep there feet covered by the cloak. Of course, James and Peter couldn't struggle, because that would create too much noise, so they had to just be pushed in whatever direction Sirius took them. The sight they saw shocked them:

Remus was lying under a dozen thick blankets, yet he was shivering. His face was pale and sweaty, and he looked close to vomiting. Madam Pomfrey bustled past them, and helped Remus to his feet. She took him to the door of the hospital wing, and slowly they made their way down the stairs, with James, Sirius and Peter following close behind.

They continued in this fashion, until they reached the grounds and the Whomping Willow. By now, it was pitch black, and if anyone happened to look out their window (not that they were) then they would never have been able to see Madam Pomfrey reach out with a large stick and jab sharply at the tree through its menacing branches. All of a sudden, the branches stilled, and the matron was able to lead Remus to a small gap near the roots. Several minutes later, she emerged. Quickly, she set the branches swinging again, and promptly returned to the castle.

The three friends stayed under the cover of the cloak for a long time, thinking.

"What should we do now?" Peter asked.

"Well, we can't stay here until the full moon," James said, staring critically at the sky.

"We'll take shift," Sirius suggested. "Watch tonight and tomorrow, and then tomorrow night when it's the full moon we'll all come back out and see what happens."

"You mean," Peter said in a small voice "Follow him in? In to the tree? But what if he's not there anymore?"

"Why don't we get to that when the time comes?" James said. "I'll take first watch. Sirius, I'll meet you in the closest charms classroom in four hours."

Sirius and Peter nodded, and snuck quietly back into the castle, leaving James under the cloak, completely invisible and alone.

* * *

The next night, nothing had changed. None of the boys had seen there friend leave, or anyone else approach the vicious Whomping Willow. They regrouped under the invisibility cloak on the night of the full moon, just before dark, and considered their limited options. They decided there was really one thing to do when you got this far: to just keep going.

Carefully, they approached the tree. As if it were sensing someone was near, it began to thrash out even more widely. The boys rummaged around trying to find a stick long enough to jab the trunk with, so they wouldn't get jabbed back (which was harder then it sounds, considering they were all still under the cloak). They couldn't find one, so had to make do with magically wielding some sticks together. It didn't appear like it would hold for very long, but maybe just long enough. After a great deal of effort (and having to re-wield a couple of times) they managed to poke the tree in just the right spot – a small knot close to the ground.

They crept forward, searching for a way into the tree. Sirius found a small opening near the ground, and quickly climbed in, followed by James and Peter. In the darkness of the tunnel, they felt it was safe to shed the cloak, and James stuffed it in his pocket. Lighting their wands, they marched onwards for what seemed like hours, until they heard a scream.

"It's Remus!" James yelled. "Come on!"

Sprinting, their breath sharp and ragged in their throats, the boys raced on, trying to reach their friend before pain engulfed him. Eventually, they reached a small hole in the tunnel, leading into a large dusty room. James, who was in the lead, was just about to jump in, when Sirius placed a powerful restraining hand on his shoulder. James tried to shove him off and looked back at his friends. Peter was chewing his nails, a look of horror plastered across his face. All colour had drained from Sirius' face, and he merely pointed back into the room.

The boys poked their heads through the hole, too shocked to turn away even though they wanted to.

Remus was screaming on the floor, withering around in pain. He was still pale and sweaty, and the blanket that had been wrapped around his shoulders only moments before now lay discarded on the ground. Slowly he turned to face the window, and all could see it was completely dark outside. A cloud moved to one side, showing the perfectly round moon. Remus quickly looked away, and in this instant saw his friends shocked faces staring in at him. He had no time to react to this, for soon his calves and legs had begun to grow long and thing, his eyes were widening. Remus' arms sprouted dark hair and claws replaced nails. Slowly, the screams of agony turned into howls. When the transformation was complete, the werewolf turned to face the three Gryffindor boys.

"Remus?"

Instead of any greeting however, the werewolf raised its hackles and turned its head towards the moon, letting out a deep, mournful howl. James took a step back and nearly knocked over Sirius, but both were able to keep there balance. Peter scrambled from his corner to stand with them. As a group, they were backing away slowly down the tunnel. The werewolf snarled and raised its hackles again.

"Run," James whispered, desperate to find his voice. "RUN!!"

They needed no encouragement.

Neither did the werewolf.

* * *

_**AN: **ok, ive noticed at least two things about this story that other people may not like. first of all, i call remus "the werewolf" when he is transformed instead of remus. but he isnt really remus is he? he is nothing like remus, because remus would never chase his friends down a tunnel. second, when i do mention lilly, i add an extra 'l' to her name, which i noticed a lot of people dont, and it doesnt happen in the book either. well im sorry but for this story she will be lilly with two 'l's._

_thats enough of my rambling - thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, or put the story on favourites or alerts. you know who u are!! as for the rest of review!! pick up the slack, you will get a mention and i will love u for ever!! so review_


	11. Run

**Diclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter

_**AN: **I know this is a really short chapter, but it just seems right to finish it where I did. Besides, the last chapter was the longest one I have EVER written, so give me a break. Enjoy!_

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Chapter Eleven: Run

A mad race ensured - one much more terrifying than any that the young Gryffindors had ever been in. Now, instead of running from a teacher under the invisibility cloak so they wouldn't be caught out of bed, they were running from their best friend who was unable to recognize them, and who would not think twice about attacking.

Peter was in the lead, stumbling and slipping on every second stone, causing James and Sirius to be slower. James slipped in front of Peter, grabbed his hand and wrenched him forwards. But no matter how fast they ran, the werewolf was always right behind. Sirius turned, and pointed his wand at the werewolf.

"_Expelliarumus_!" he cried, pointing his wand straight at the creature that was his best friend only moments ago. Luckily for Sirius (but not so lucky for the werewolf) he had good aim, and the werewolf was sent flying back several feet into the tunnel with a loud yelp. Sirius ran to catch up with Peter and James, not looking back to see how close the werewolf was now. He didn't need to anyway – they could hear it growling.

As they flew past, the careful constructed tunnel walls were causing much pain. Every wrongly placed foot or frantic step sent them crashing into the wall, so none of the boys could help the bruises and scratches that were soon all over them. But they ran on, not daring to stop. Occasionally, one of them would send an _Expelliarumus_ over their shoulder, not even turning around to see if they hit the werewolf (as long as they didn't hit each other). No one dared to do any more complicated or harmful spells then this in case they went wrong, for after all, somewhere deep inside he was still Remus.

Finally, when their breathing was harsh and ragged, they saw (quite literally) the light at the end of the tunnel. One last _Expelliarumus _was sent at the werewolf, and the three made a mad dash for the light (moonlight, to be exact). The tree was still motionless, so they all scrambled up to the surface easily.

"Wait!" Sirius cried. "The tree!"

James and Peter, who were making to sprint for the castle, saw the problem to. They couldn't leave the tree like this – what if the werewolf got out too? Quickly, they began gathering sticks together and wielding them, until they had one that was able to reach the knot. The werewolf, however, was already emerging from the tree and walking slowly in their direction.

"Got it!" Peter grunted, having just turned the knot. At once, the tree branches started to flail about. A particularly large one hit the werewolf, causing him to go flying back into the tunnel. The boys waited, but there was no sign that he was going to emerge again.

With visibly shaking hands, James carefully covered them with the invisibility cloak. In a horrible daze, the three marched back to the Gryffindor common room, not speaking. Sirius mumbled the password to the fat lady, and they made their way slowly to their beds. Each boy collapsed, exhausted, but no one slept. Not a single sound could be heard from the second year boys' dormitory all night. James, Peter and Sirius spent the night with their eyes wide open, staring numbly at Remus' empty and well made bed. Was it really better to know the truth?

Once, they could have sworn that they heard a long, lonely, sorrowful howl coming from the grounds.

* * *

_**AN:** Thank you to _Gingernail_, for the review and adding the story to favourites, and thank you (again!!) to _childforever _for another review. And thank you to everyone who read this chapter. Please review!!_


	12. Confessions

**Diclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Confessions

Remus Lupin woke in pain the day after the full moon. He sat up and looked slowly around him. A small chair that had been there yesterday was now ripped to shreds, as were the feeble excuse for a set of curtains. Besides that, Remus didn't know what damage he had done. He sat with his head between his knees, crouched in a small ball, thinking hard.

Suddenly, he remembered – but he wished he hadn't.

He was in the shack… about to transform. He looked over and he had seen Peter Pettigrew, James Potter and Sirius Black. They had seen him! They had seen what he was. Tears choked him as Remus stood slowly and turned to the window. It was still very early in the morning, barely even light. He made his way down the tunnel to where Madam Pomfrey would meet him. He barely noticed the fuss the matron made over him as she hustled him quickly back to the hospital wing, where he would stay behind the curtain for the remainder of the day.

He crawled into the bed slowly, after Madam Pomfrey had healed the minor cuts, bruises and scratches he inflicted upon himself during his transformations. Remus lay there thinking.

_They know._

_I'm not safe._

_They know._

_I chased my friends._

_They know._

_I'm going to be kicked out of Hogwarts._

_They know._

_I could have bitten any one of them._

_They know._

_I'm a hazard._

_They know._

_Sirius knows._

_They know._

_James knows._

_They know._

_Peter knows._

_They know._

_They know I'm a werewolf._

* * *

After an uneasy sleep filled with unpleasant dreams, Remus woke in the late afternoon. His small duffle bag and the hamper for his mother had been placed by his bead. Remus picked up the hamper, looking through it. Not that he was hungry - he just wanted to see what was in there. Inside, were all of Remus' favourite foods, all the sweet things he usually craved after the full moon. He placed the hamper back on the floor, when a think envelope fell out. It was the letters that were addressed to his mother. Remus opened the envelope and found three letters, one from each of his friends. He started to read through them.

_Dear Mrs. Lupin:_

_My name is Peter Pettigrew, and I am a friend of your son, Remus. Well, a best friend. At least, he is one of my best friends, so I guess I'm one of his best friends, if that makes any sense._

_You are really lucky to have such a good son, Mrs. Lupin. Remus is a really great person. He is smart, funny and very loyal. He is always able to help me with my charms work and is very loyal. I feel very lucky to have a friend such as him. _

_I hope you feel better soon._

_Regards, Peter Pettigrew_

**Dear Mrs. Lupin,**

**Hi, I'm Sirius Black. I am a close friend of your son, Remus. Remus is a really great guy. He is possibly the best in our year, and is really dedicated to all his school work, and his friends. I can never get him on a broomstick, and he says he doesn't have much of an interest in Quidditch, but he comes to watch me play nearly every game. That's the kind of friend your son is. His really loyal and would do anything for us. I hope you get well soon; Remus is really worried about you.**

**- Sirius Black**

To Mrs. Lupin,

I'm James Potter, and I'm one of Remus' friends. I first met Remus on the Hogwarts Express; we were trading chocolate frog cards. We've been really close ever since, and are lucky enough to both be in Gryffindor. Remus is a true Gryffindor. He is brave, loyal and noble. I believe that he would always put his friends first. Please get well soon; we miss Remus when he goes to visit you.

From James Potter.

Remus sat on his bead, the letters scattered around him, stunned. Now he knew how his friends really felt about, he was deeply touched. Of course, it didn't mean that they would feel the same now, but never the less his spirits lifted. Reaching over to his hamper, Remus took a chocolate éclair and started eating. He was waiting for the sun to sink, so he could return to the dormitory and see what his friends thought of him now.

* * *

James, Sirius and Peter had barely slept all night. The day after the full moon, they went to meals, but only pushed their food around on their plates. The rest of the time, they stayed in their dormitory, waiting for Remus' return (it was a weekend). No one had said a single word since they escaped the tunnel.

Just as the sun was starting to set, the door creaked open and Remus entered. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he was nervous. What if his friends abandoned him? He walked past them all, refusing to make eye contact. He dumped the duffle bag and hamper on his bed, and with out turning around, he spoke.

"Did you see…?"

James and Peter nodded, and Sirius answered for them.

"Yes."

"And I chased you."

"Yes."

"Did I…?"

"You didn't hurt us, mate."

"'Mate'?" Remus turned around. "I keep a secret from you for two years. I disappear every month and lie to you constantly. I turn into a werewolf and chase you down a tunnel. I could have hurt you, killed any of you. I could have bitten you, and you would have ended up like….me." Remus whispered the last word, and let out a deep shuddering breath. "And you call me 'mate'?"

Sirius stood up, James and Peter right behind him. They approached Remus, and for a split second he wondered if they were going to hurt him. They stood in a line in front of him, staring at him, until he raised his eyes to meet theirs.

"Yes," they said simultaneously, and they let Remus cry and comforted him, not caring who or what he was; only that he was their friend.


	13. The Solution to All their Problems

**Diclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter

_**AN:** this chapter is neither short nor long, just average lenght. I have three more days of holidays and then I have to go back to school, and i'm in vce this year so please dont expect so many updates, but i promise i wont neglect the story! please r/r._

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Chapter Thirteen: The Solution to All their Problems 

Remus Lupin was so thankful that his friends had stuck by him. Through the rest of their second year, and now in their third, James, Sirius and Peter had done all they could to help make Remus' transformations as comfortable as possible. Wether this was by sitting with him under the invisibility cloak in the hospital wing, or getting him to laugh and smile at a joke when he was feeling horrible, they always helped. They still wanted to help more, and had spent countless hours searching for a way, but had no ideas. Remus had drawn a line though, and has said under no circumstances should they ever follow him into the tunnel again.

"It's too dangerous," he said. "I'm not aware of what I'm doing; all I know is that I see a human and I can chase them."

But even the best of friends get frustrated with one another sometimes, which is exactly what was happening now. Stuck in the common room on such a beautiful day, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, Remus Lupin, Leanne Charleston, Jessica Wrought, and Lilly Evans were all very disgruntled. Professor McGonagall had thought it would be a good idea to pair up students in her class to work together, since, in her opinion, there was too much disagreement in the class.

"Unity is what we need in these times, class," She would say "Unity."

So now Remus and Peter were struggling to write an essay together, seeing as neither could agree on the topic. Sirius and Jessica had discarded their assignment completely and were in the middle of a heated discussion about Quidditch. Leanne was just leaving to go and work in the library with her partner, an attractive Ravenclaw boy who couldn't believe his luck. Lilly, much to her disgust and his delight was paired with James.

James was trying very hard to remember all the pick-up lines he had ever heard, so he could use them on Lilly. He started on this as soon as she sat down.

"Ten pound polar bear," he said. Lilly raised her eyebrow.

"What?"

"Ten pound polar bear," he insisted.

"What has that got to do with anything?"

"It broke the ice."

Lilly rolled her eyes. Why, oh why was she stuck with James Potter of all people?

"I don't want to hear about polar bears," she said "Unless we are going to write about how to transfigure one."

"You have the most beautiful eyes."

"We can write about the foundations of transfiguration, but I think Professor McGonagall might expect something a bit more advanced…"

"Did it hurt?" James asked.

"Did what hurt?" Lilly asked, letting her guard down.

"The fall from heaven, because you must be an angle."

"Stop it James!" she cried. "I'm warning you…" Feeling like he was failing, James tried them all at once.

"If I could re-write the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again? You are so beautiful that you give the sun reason to shine. You…"

But James didn't get to finish, because Lilly picked up her wand and hit him with a full body binding curse. She gathered her books.

"When you decide to _grow up_, James Potter, I'll be in the library," she said, striding neatly out of the portrait hole and disappearing from sight.

Jessica laughed. "James you are such an idiot sometimes! You should know better then to fire up Lilly!"

Remus hid a small smile and undid the charm.

"Better go after her, mate," Sirius suggested.

As he was climbing out of the portrait hole, James could still hear some of the conversation from inside.

"Actually," Peter remarked "Some of them weren't that bad…"

* * *

When James found Lilly in the library, she was standing in between some book shelves. She didn't turn around when James approached but continued searching through the books.

"I'm sorry, Lilly," he said, staring at her long, shiny red hair and resisting the urge to see if it was as soft as it looked. "Really. I won't try pickup lines on you again for a week. I promise." Lilly stayed silent. "Do you forgive me?"

"We're going to write the essay on witches and wizards becoming Animagus," she said finally.

"Animagus?"

"Like Professor McGonagall, when she turns into a cat," Lilly turned and placed several books in James' arms, refusing to look at him. She turned back to the shelf.

"Wait…," James said, thinking hard. "So people can actually _do_ that to themselves? They can just whip up a potion, wave of the wand and hey presto, you can turn into an animal?"

"It's a bit more complicated then that, Potter," Lilly said frowning. "But yes, that's the basic idea."

"Can you pick the animal?" James asked, trying to hide the excitement in his voice.

"I'm not entirely sure," she said, still searching for more books on the shelf. "Check one of the books." Hurriedly, James did, flicking through the pages, his grin growing wider by the second. He dropped the pile he had been dropping, causing the books to crash onto the ground. Lilly whipped around.

"James!" she scolded, "What are you _doing_?!" James paid no attention, but took a step closer to Lilly.

"Lilly Evans," he cried, pulling her into a tight hug "You're a _genius_!"

James put a hand on either of her shoulders and kissed her quickly on the lips, before grabbing the book and running out of the library.

"James!" she called slightly flustered "What about our essay?"

Lilly sighed to herself and began to pick up the books James had dropped. And despite who it was, and how much she despised him, Lilly put her hand to her lips where he had kissed her, and she couldn't help but smile.

* * *

_**AN:** i hope you guys are grateful, because i didnt know any pickup lines and had to search all of those on google. some of them are hilarious and some are just really cheesey and mean, but anyway, that is what james did. and james kissed lilly!! breifly. i hope you guys werent expecting a full out pash, coz they're only 13 and still have a love/hate realtionship, so they have a few more years until they are together (not that it will be mentioned much in this story, i just thought that would add a little bit of humor). _

_anyway, can u guys please give me your opinion on wether or not i should include the making of the mauraders map or wether they should just have it one day and we dont go into it. because the making of the map and/or the boys making themselves animagus will be what i write about next, and im not updating until i get an opinion or until i make a decision for myself (and i can be VERY indecisive). so please let me know guys. thank you!!_

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	14. Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I deserve to after neglecting this fanfiction for so long

**AN:** PPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEE forgive me!!!! i am very VERY sorry i havent update in soooo long, i know its been months, so with no further ado, the next chapter:

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Chapter Fourteen: Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble

The passage leading into Hogsmeade from the humpbacked witch seemed to get shorter the more times you travelled it. At least, Sirius Black was of this opinion as he returned from the latest in a long line of foraging trips. Hidden by the invisibility cloak, Sirius fled through the halls of Hogwarts with his precious cargo, until he could take cover and remove the cloak in a unused girls bathroom.

Moaning Myrtle, the young female ghost who was the inhabitant the bathroom, swooped down on Sirius as soon as he was visible, acting as his second shadow with fluttering eyelids. Sirius, panting slightly, pulled a bag from the depths of his pocket and handed it to James.

"Thanks mate," James said, not looking up from the cauldron's bubbling contents as he grabbed the new ingredients. Peter paced back and forth nervously.

"…Lizard would be horrible, nothing slimy or scaly, not sure if I would like to be a horse; no, no much too girly. I need something strong, something powerful, something that says:.."

"Shut up, Peter," Sirius moaned, splashing water on his face. "We have to finish the thing before we get too picky about our species."

Looking slightly abashed, Peter stopped his pacing and scrambled to James' side to see if he could help.

"Almost finished," James grinned. "We'll do the last of it tonight, along with the incantation…"

The three boys looked nervously at one another. It had been Lily's suggestion, back in their second year, that had given James the idea of becoming Animagi to help Remus. As animals, the three could be with their friend during his transformations, helping him anyway they could. But it was dangerous. After three years of research, the friends knew that any minor mistake could have horrible consequences.

Of course, Remus knew nothing of this research. At times he thought his friends were elsewhere, they were really huddled in a small cubicle absorbed by the potion. It took a year to brew properly, and was followed by a lengthy incantation. Peter, Sirius and James were all very aware of Remus's feelings about putting them in danger. He would simply not allow it and had made them swear on their friendship not to follow him down the Whomping Willow again if they wished to remain as they were – whole and undamaged.

After reciting the incantation a few times over (with James and Sirius helping Peter with pronunciation) the boys picked themselves up and hid under the invisibility cloak. To cover them all, James and Sirius now had to crouch down to Peter's height. The boys made it to the dormitory undetected, but did not have to offer any excuses about where they had been to Remus. They sighed as they examined Remus's empty bed – it was a full moon that night. And, hopefully, Remus' last one alone.

* * *

The castle creaked in the night as Sirius, James and Peter crept stealthily to their secret concoction. Sirius added the final ingredients and stirred carefully. Peter readied three goblets as James poured the exact amount into each. Even Myrtle, a usual distraction and a constant pain, was silent and watching, realizing how important this was to the boys and her precious Sirius.

Standing side by side, the boys each held their goblets aloft and slowly recited the incantation. The candles lighting the toilets flickered back and forth, the wax burning down as the time passed. The boys throats grew raspy and hoarse but they didn't stop. With a final flick of each wand, the potions were complete. Wasting no time, each boy skulled their portion and let the potion take over…

* * *

**AN:** Once again, sorry for the long break, and thank you so much to everyone who bothered to read this chapter, i really dont deserve it after such neglect


	15. Transformations

**Disclaimer:** i do not own harry potter

**AN:** ive written this chapter from the three different points of view that peter, sirius and james experience during and after their transformations. we see each of their points of view three times, once at the beggining, in the middle, and at the end. enjoy!

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Chapter Fifteen: Transformations

Peter felt a rush of cold air hit his face and limbs at full force. His skin crawled and was covered in slight bumps. He tried to turn, to face the others, but a wave of nausea and dizziness overpowered him. Peter crashed to the floor, his head spinning. His back stung fiercely as he landed, and the pain moved up and down his spine. Clutching at the pain, he followed it with his hands, trying to grab it and wrench it from his body. There was something growing. Was that a tail? _"What a powerful strong beast I shall be…"_ he thought, before the darkness claimed him.

**Sirius yelped in pain as soon as the first drop of his potion touched his lips. It burnt like nothing else but he refused the instinct to stop, thinking only of his friend. Pain bubbled inside him now, as the potion had once bubbled in the cauldron. As the last drop flowed from the goblet to his throat, Sirius threw the goblet down; hearing it crash only irritated his ears. The agonized sounds his friends were making were loud and excruciating to hear. Even the frightened gasps of Moaning Myrtle seemed to be magnified to his ears. He tried to signal to her, worried she would be so shocked she would call for help. Sirius opened his mouth, attempting to talk, but it was no longer HIS mouth…**

_James immediately fell to his knees, losing the will and ability to stand instantly. A rough sound reached his ears, like a scream or a shout, muffled slightly. He realised he was making the noise, and squeezed his hands into fists to keep himself from shouting. They couldn't risk anyone finding them out, not now, when they were all so close. James felt his clenched fists fill his a horrible heat, and gasped in shock and pain. His eyes were clenched shut in an attempt to stay silent. James arched his back in pain, opening his eyes to glance at his hands…or hooves…_

* * *

The pain subsided slowly, with Peter slipping in and out of darkness. Each time he regained himself, something had changed. The scent of the room, the feel of the cold ground under his feet, how his skin felt being stretched to resemble an animal. A small squeak escaped him as he slipped again into the darkness…

**Everything was becoming cleared to Sirius. His friend's laboured breathing sounded like a loud conversation, though it was really no louder then a whisper. Scent was returning, as was the ability to feel the objects around him. As Sirius's sight returned, he caught a glimpse of a pile of clothes were Peter was supposed to be, a large beast where James once stood.**

_James was slowly realising that things were ending. The heat was ebbing away. He turned his head to look at his friends, and it felt heavy. Trying to spot the difference, James looked up. There was something resting on his head, he could see it out of the corner of his eye. WHAT was on his head…?_

* * *

Everything was out of proportion, Peter thought. So much bigger then it used to be. Was it possible he had shrunk? His mother had always told him we would be short, and what could you expect with such stocky parents? Still, shrinking was a tad ridiculous. Peter struggled with his train of thought, his memory was hazy… they had done it!! Peter had snuck down to the girl's loos that night with James and Sirius and they had helped him to become a… what was he, exactly? Something small. Peter climbed over his pile of clothes, trying to identify objects from his new point of view. He found something reflective on the ground (the remains of Sirius's smashed goblet) and studied himself carefully, a little disbelieving. The fat, grey rat studied him back, twitching its whiskers in disapproval. _"I suppose,"_ he pondered _"that rats can be powerful beasts too."_ Peter's new reflection squeaked in agreement. 

**Sirius awoke with the worst hangover he had ever had. The worst. EVER. SIMPLY THE WORST. The king AND queen of all hangovers. Such a pity, too, because Sirius knew there was something he was supposed to be doing. Something important… what; what; WHAT was it?? Ah. Remus. It was a full moon. And Sirius was going to help by…oh. Crap. Sirius tried to scratch his head, hoping his friends were OK and that nothing had gone wrong. But Sirius's fingers didn't find his head. Rather, a large paw found a satisfying itch behind his ear. Sirius scratched, and could feel his tongue hanging out of his mouth and his tail wagging happily… Tail? Sirius stopped immediately and tried to sigh. Instead a whining sound escaped him. Cautiously approaching the basin (on four legs) Sirius places his hands – no, paws – on the basin and stretched to look in the mirror. A large, black, shaggy creature surveyed him carefully. Moaning Myrtle floated through the mirror, interrupting the examination. She patted Sirius on the head. "Good doggy."**

_James shook his head, once again finding it heavy. Ouch. And sore. His head pounded as though from a headache. But there was no headache, James realized. He had merely hit his head on something. Ah – the door to one of the cubicles. But, no, that couldn't be right. The door seemed much too far away for James to be able to hit his head on. He tried moving his head again and the dull throb returned. It was that thing. The thing James had seen before, through the corner of his eye. Before…before the transformation. Before he had become an illegal Animagus. Slowly, James turned, and he noticed he was higher then before, taller. He caught sight of his reflection in the window. A large stag stared back, antlers and all. _

_

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_

**AN:** thank you everyone who has stuck with this story since my distant update with chapter thirteen and those who discovered this story in the gap. please review, i love getting peoples opinions


	16. Reintroducing Old Friends

**Disclaimer:** i do not own harry potter

**AN:** i would like to say a HUGE THANKYOU to childforver, a very good friend of mine, for nagging me to keep going with this. thanks feta, miss you heaps :)

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Chapter Sixteen: Reintroducing Old Friends

After getting over the shock of their new forms, each of the boys examined themselves quickly before turning to look at their campaigns. Peter was almost frightened of James, the height difference between the two now was extraordinary, while James had trouble first spotting Peter at all. Sirius bounced around happily, wagging his tail and barking until James stamped a foot to get him to stop. Of course, at this stage none of the boys knew who had taken which form, and they did not know exactly how to change back. It was Peter who changed first, almost by accident. James pawed the ground nervously as Sirius jumped back, both watching a small mouse return to the form of their chubby friend.

"It's easy to turn back," Peter said, collapsing on the ground from exhaustion. "Just concentrate."

James and Sirius did as Peter told them before regaining their human forms and joining him on the ground. They all sighed before examining each other closely. It was Sirius who spoke first, a careless grin on his handsome (human) face.

"A _rat_, Pete? What happened to the powerful beast?"

Peter frowned as James chuckled lightly. "I didn't get to choose, you know!"

"Like you can talk, Sirius," James commented "A dog?"

"Sod off!" Sirius laughed. "At least I'm not so full of myself to be a stag!"

Soon the friends were rolling around laughing, relief more then anything flooding through them.

"So," Sirius grinned. Anyone up for a night time stroll?"

James picked up the invisibility cloak.

"After you, Mr. Dog and Mr. Rat," he made an over the top sweeping gesture, allowing his laughing friends under the cloak before the three invisible fifth years exited the bathroom, amazed by their own accomplishment.

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It was all too easy, upon reaching the Whomping Willow, for Peter to transform and scurry low under the thrashing branches to press the secret knot on the tree. James and Sirius hurried after him, pausing as Peter transformed and to reactivate the trees branches. The boys had formulated a plan, though it was risky. And, of course, they were all more then a little nervous. The only time any of them had ever seen Remus in his werewolf state was the first time, when they had followed him and discovered his secret. They all knew how dangerous a werewolf's mind could be. Whispering through the tunnel, the boys revised their plan, and they approached the entrance to the Shrieking Shack, their human hearts beating loudly in their chests.

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The young werewolf concealed in the Shrieking Shack howled before biting fiercely at his itching leg. The transformations he had to endure were painful and almost unbearable. The shack was littered with ruined furniture and stray chunks of wood. It smelt of wet dog, old wood and dust. Dust and neglect. The werewolf's keen nose picked the new smell as soon as the three boys entered the house. Remus fought the temptation, battling the werewolf in his mind, but lost in a heartbeat. Growling softly, the werewolf rounded the corner until he came upon the entrance to the shack. Sirius, James and Peter stood there, looking calm though pale. The werewolf took a step forward and the boys disappeared. In there place, a dog, stag and rat remained. Remus stopped, taking over the werewolf mind. His friends had changed – how? One by one, each animal changed quickly into a boy again, before returning to animal form, showing there friend what they could do.

The beasts stood, staring at each other. Remus battled inside his own head, struggling to concentrate long enough to figure out what these animals were doing here. Eventually, the dog stepped forward, cautiously, trying to demonstrate it meant no harm. The dog lay on the ground and whined quietly. Remus won the mental struggle and approached the dog. He whined too. _Sirius? _

The dog nudged playfully at the werewolf's snout. The werewolf nudged back. Sirius tried to grin with his new snout and barked playfully, wagging his tail. James, as the stag, and Peter the rat approached Remus. Already, Remus could feel the werewolf side of him shrinking, and the human part of him filling with joy. He had friends. True, true, friends.

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**AN:** thanks soooo much everyone for reading. please review and let me know what you think. i will try not to let time slip away from me like that, and will update soon (weither its this story or "In Reflection" another hp fanfic) thanks again!! YOU ROCK!!


	17. Fine

**Disclaimer:** As the books become more awesome with every reading and the movie franchise draws to a close, I become more sorrowful that I do not own Harry Potter.

**AN:**_So... Hi. If you're reading this at all, you have already earnt my eternal gratitude and affections, as I think it would be close to two years since I updated. But I was thinking about this story when I couldn't sleep, and I found a couple of chapters that I haven't published, so I thought I would share them. I love the people who post really super long chapters once every 6 weeks or so, but I have never been one of those. I only do super short chapters, but I do try and publish several together. Thank you again, muchly, if you're reading, and I PROMISE to write chapter 19 and have it up in a week, as it will be the first new new thing in forever. Please r/r._

James had overslept. Again. And had missed breakfast. Again.

It was the day after a full moon, and the fifth years were meant to be studying for their OWLs. But, Sirius reasoned, why study when they had so much better things to do, such as taking night trips around the Forbidden Forest and Hogsmeade with a teenage lycanthrope as three illegal Animigi?

The teen shuffled over to the mirror hanging askew on the dormitory wall and ruffled his bed hair slightly. Sirius and Peter were still asleep, both snoring softly. Remus was due to return later that afternoon, before the Quidditch game. Ravenclaw was playing Hufflepuff, and James was interested in checking out the skills of the young new chaser Ravenclaw had acquired – his new competition.

But, first things first, his growling stomach reminded him – breakfast.

Upon entering the common room, James found it practically empty except for fifth and seventh years, with every nose hidden in a book it was difficult to tell who was present. However, one long red ponytail alerted him to the presence of a particular Gryffindor.

Lily was studying for her Transfiguration exam, trying very hard to turn a large bar of Honeydukes chocolate into... what was it again? Ah yes – a decorated floral lamp. She was finding it difficult to concentrate. The chocolate was just for practice, as she had it lying around – a pick-me-up for Remus, who always seemed a little down after visiting his mother. At least, that's what he _said_ he was doing but sometimes... there was this pained, troubled look in his eyes, and Lily somehow knew it was something else. Something... worse. She had discussed it with Jessica, but her friend refused to contribute to her wild speculation. Until a few nights ago, when she had given up her silence.

"Lils," she sighed "Did you ever consider your concern for the welfare of Remus's mother and your worry that he is not being honest with you has something to do with your feelings for him?"

Lily sat their agape, unable to speak. "And what – what _feelings_ would these be, exactly? If you mean concern for my friend then I'm sure everyone, in the-the year, I'd even say in the house - "

"Oh come off it, Lily!" cried Leanne, frustrated by her potions work more than her friend "We've all seen how you look at the guy. You always study with him, you go off to have deep and meaningful discussions, greet him with chocolate to cheer him up after seeing his mum – not even Black and Potter do that and they're best friends." She shot her friend a piercing stare "You can't lie to yourself, Lily. Life doesn't work that way. It won't let you get away with it."

So completely absorbed was Lily in the memory of this conversation and the examination of her own feelings that it took her a moment to realise that one James Potter had swopped down and taken a large bite out of the bar of chocolate. Remus's chocolate.

"Morning, Evans," James said in what he hoped was a charming manner. "How goes the studying? By the way, I was wondering, if you're going to the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff game later, then maybe we could..."

"Potter you insensitive idiot!" Lily shouted. "_That _was my practice _and _for Remus!"

"But I missed breakfast..."

"Don't you care for anyone's need besides your own?" Lily exclaimed, grabbing her books together. Though she realised she was overacting she was unable to stop herself. "You can't just go around, just, just marauding, taking anything you like!"

"Lily, whatin the name of Merlin does 'marauding' mean?"

"James, there is a whole library in this castle. _Find a dictionary and look it up!_"

Lily stormed out of the portrait only to find herself face to face with Remus Lupin.

"Remus!" Lily dropped her books in surprise.

"Studying for OWLs?" Remus inquired casually, helping her pick up her books.

"Yeah, I was _trying_ too but the common room suddenly became a bit crowded," Lily bought her face up from the ground and looked, really looked at Remus. He looked... _tired_. Really, that was the only word: tired. Psychically, yes, but more than that – he looked rundown, exhausted by whatever burden was his to bear. As OWLs and NEWTs drew closer Lily grew accustomed to seeing bleary eyed fifth and seventh years stumbling about the castle, reciting incantations under their breath and dashing to the bathrooms to look up a reference or have a slight nervous breakdown away from prying eyes. But this was different, because, well, it was _Remus_. Naturally smart, study hard, always gets good grades Remus. He just didn't get so stressed over exams, he shouldn't look this exhausted. Lily thought back to her theory that something worse than exam stress and sick relatives were plaguing her friend.

"Remus? Ah... um, Remus are you... OK?" the red head asked tentatively.

Remus gave Lily a small, sad smile in return, but his heart constricted at the worry in her green eyes and he hated himself for the answer he gave:

"Yeah, Lils. I'm fine."

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**AN: **_NEXT NEW OLD CHAPTER IMMEDIANTLY AVAILABLE! CLICK THE BUTTON!_

_ Doooo ittttt... Ta xx_

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Chapter Seventeen: Fine.


	18. The REAL Examination

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Harry Potter._

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Remus let Lily continue on to the library, promising to join her later. First and foremost, he needed sleep. The fifth year, a little anxious about exams, had convinced Madam Pomfrey to let him leave the hospital wing early. Although he was a competent, confident and a very promising young wizard, he was more than a little worried that his "furry little problem" as Sirius called it, may cause some of the more prejudiced examiners to down grade him. The next full moon fell over the fifth year's exam period, and Remus was forced to subtly delay his practical potions exam. Dumbledore had noticed the issue and called Remus into his office the previous week to discuss the matter.

"It would seem, Remus," the headmaster had explained "that your mother will have a nasty health scare around the time of your potions examination, causing you to be called home in a terrible rush so as to miss your scheduled appointment with the examiners. Most unfortunate. However, the examiners will be most obliging in rescheduling your exam for you, once you return safe in the knowledge that your mother's health retains no permanent damage from the experience."

On top of this, the examiners selected to test Remus at a later date were a panel of three, and selected by hand to ensure they gave the young wizard a fair and deserved result.

So Remus knew he really should be studying. He knew as the full moon approached he would feel very little like studying at all, so he should complete the bulk of it now. But his four poster bed was so inviting...

He passed his friends at the portrait of the fat lady, the three explained that they had overslept and were going to tickle the pear and procure some tasty treats from the ever loyal house elves. They encouraged Remus to meet them that afternoon for the Quidditch match, to give himself a break from studying. Remus said he would see, and continued up to his dormitory, roughly pulling the curtains on his bed to block out the light, and closed his eyes to sleep.

And yet, sleep would not come. The image of Lily Evans' face upturned to his, a few strands of red hair overhanging her sweet green eyes, brimming with concern, was fixed in his mind's eye. He despised himself; really he did, for lying to Lily. He had tried to tell her, once, in their second year, about his unfortunate condition. He smiled slightly as he recalled the interruption that stopped him – Sirius, James and Peter being unceremoniously dumped through the portrait of fruit they were probably now tickling. They had discovered the truth soon after...

Remus did not know for how long he would have kept such a thing secret from his friends if they did not follow him to the Whomping Willow three years ago. Would they know, by now, that he was a werewolf? Or would they simply continue to live in ignorant bliss?

There certainly seemed to be no real advantages to disclosing the truth to Lily. Remus's three roommates had taken an inordinate risk, putting their own health, their lives in safety by turning themselves into Animagus illegally, or even in following him to the Whomping Willow for a second time. If something had gone wrong with the potion, or the incantation... if he had attacked before they had transformed...

But months had passed since that day when the James, Sirius and Peter had revealed their own secret to Remus. They had even gotten so bold as to venture out of the Shrieking Shack (as it was now named by the villagers of Hogsmeade due to the sounds emitting from it every so often, once a month in fact, when Remus howled in pain, frustration or loneliness) on occasion. It was dangerous, a risk to everyone, and guaranteed expulsion and an appearance before the Wigemont if found out, for all four of them. Even, perhaps, time in Azkaban. There had been a very close call, the previous full moon, when the werewolf had caught the scent of a human, and Remus could feel the wolf – less dominant now that he had his friends with him – taking over his brain. The wolf lunged in the direction of the scent, only to have James, as the stag, bar his way and thrust him towards a tree with his antlers. The wolf had struggled and howled mournfully, but Sirius, in his dog form, let out a few barks in quick succession to make it appear as if there were merely a dog, and not a werewolf, gallivanting about. Peter, most unhelpful in these situations, sat next to the tree dumbly and let out a squeak.

What would Lily's reaction be to Remus's news, if he were to confide in her? Would she too, risk her life in an attempt to benefit her friend? Or would she shun him, shutting him out? Would Dumbledore have to swear her to secrecy, or wipe her memory, so she didn't spread the knowledge of what Remus was to other students? He almost didn't know what was worse...

Remus imagined again the pure green eyes of the most beautiful girl in his year...

'_Beautiful?'_ He asked himself. '_Did I just call Lily beautiful? She's attractive, I suppose, anyone – any friend could see that...'_

'_Yes,'_ the truthful side of him mind countered, answering Remus's rationality '_Any friend could see that. Leanne sees it. Jessica sees it. But James calls her beautiful.'_

'_What does it matter what adjectives James uses?'_ The rational side, not so rational now, inquired.

'_Well,' _the truthful part was being very logical here, and was rather proud of itself '_Well, James claims that Lily Evans is the love of his life, doesn't he?'_

'_I'm not sure if I would call it love, at such a young age,'_ the rational side objected, rather than answering the question, in an attempt to reclaim some footing in the argument.

'_The point is that James likes Lily. Quite a bit, in fact. And he calls her beautiful. And although you feel awful, and have told your friends you will _consider_ going to Quidditch match, you have _promised_ Lily you will meet her in the library later. So for Merlin's sake Remus Lupin, admit it to yourself before you lose your sanity. You are talking to yourself, man! Just admit what you've always known, that you like Lily Evans, and be done with it._**_'_**

Remus sat bolt upright in his bed.

"I like Lily Evans," he said, before sprinting out of the dormitory and down the moving staircases as fast as his feet would carry him.

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**AN:**_ Thanks for reading! As I said, new new chapter within a week. Wish me luck xx_

Chapter Eighteen: The _Real_ Examination


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